Disappointing

I was pouring a bowl of cereal, I thought to myself- I had better put this away I'd hate for mom to have to put it away, she works so hard.  This thought stopped me dead, I realized I have never had this thought for my wife.  It's not that I don't do nice thing for her, but I'm programmed.  I just go along on auto pilot trying to abide by every rule she makes up and do common courtesies.  I scrape my plate and never leave a dish at the table, I pick up my clothes and put them in a laundry hamper, I only set my keys and wallet in their wife-appointed area, I never put stuff on top of the TV stand per her directives.  There's alot I do that would indicate the same level of concern, respect or even love.  The unfortunate fact is, I don't do it because I want to make her happy, I don't do it to make her life easy, I don't do it because I love her or feel she works hard.  I do it because she has asked me to and I do it because I like to keep peace.  To me though, it's a damn shame I don't do it because I care for or respect or love her like I do my mother.  It's frankly disappointing.  Disappointing because I always had hoped to love someone, disappointing because I want to do things because I care, disappointing because I don't think I ever will.  It makes me feel like a douche and that's disappointing too.  I know it's not entirely my fault and is somewhat linked to her behavior, but I have made wrong choices that have led me here....and that too is disappointing.