Preachah Man Asshole

I used to be a preacher man asshole. Tonight reminded me of that. I have always been pretty convicted of what I believed but until I was in my 20's I never really had any trials or hard times...from there it all went to hell, but that is neither here nor there for this blog entry. What is, however, is the fact that I can recall telling people that felt alone and empty that they just needed to basically get their shit together and fill themselves with God.  I know this is actually true, but it was very naive of me to think it was that easy.  I'd never felt the emptiness or loneliness that someone feels that is isolated from friends and in a relationship that is hollow and meaningless.  I'd never been there.  I had always been surrounded by people that were there for me.  They were all really pretty good friends.  As time went on some moved away, some lost touch, some I excised due to my solitary nature, others did me wrong and so it went until I find myself with very few friends and even fewer that I trust with the secretes of my heart.  I have achieved the loneliness and emptiness I had never had.  I have tried to fill that void with illicit friendships in the past, with alcohol, with money, with new people but the fact is, no one can fill this emptiness but God.  He is the friend that will never leave or betray me. At least I make that realization, but now I am on my personal quest to make that real. It's one thing to know it and say it, but it's something entirely different to live it and feel it.  In time, though, I am confident that I will get the peace that passes understanding from God himself.  I just need to keep things moving the right direction and not become self destructive when I am challenged with trials in my life.