Empty house, full heart

Today my heart was full, it was happy, it had love and enjoyed life.  What was new?  My wife had left this morning and wasn't coming home til evening. I enjoyed time with my son, I cooked and cleaned.  I worked outside and I washed clothes, I was productive, I was loved, my house was peaceful.  It made me glad.  Not just glad for the moment, but glad for my future.  Glad because I know if shit flies apart, it will be OK.  For me, it will be vastly better than it ever was.  I used to fear getting caught talking to people. Not because my conversations were unfit.  Quite the opposite actually, they are very benign.  But my wife would flip her shit regardless.  I cannot communicate with the outside world because then I will know that something other than hell exists.  The truth is, I don't need to communicate with the outside world to know that...she just has to leave for a day and I realize it.  The good news in all this is it was a big step towards me being OK with being alone and not fantasizing about needing someone else to be made happy.