Or did I?

 I know I whine and belly ache and bitch a lot about my circumstances and pine away for a love that's been lost. It's a sad existence but it's not that bad. I was talking recently to a close friend about my circumstances. I rarely talk in much detail with other people because few people really know me and my life. Many people think they know me, but few are really brave enough and kind enough to be honest with (which I suppose is why pseudo anonymity of blogging is an outlet for me). The chicka said to me "I think you can't move past your love for her because you are not happy with where you are at in your relationship, you haven't been happy for the last 10 years. When you moved out and met the girl you love it made you so happy. Until then you didn't know any different, but now your heart knows love and happiness. You remember how good it made you feel about yourself and who you are when she was around. Your heart simply longs to feel that truth again" My friend was right. It was very insightful of her to see that because I haven't been able to see that's partially why I have been so hung up on her. It makes me sad that I didn't do the same thing for my lover though. Or did I? Maybe she fears the pain I caused or maybe I just wasn't that special? I may never know.