Have I?

Have I really changed? Am I better or worse than I was a year ago? I'm beginning to think about the new year along with it things I have done, decisions I have made, thoughts I have had and things that I say.  There were certain goals I had for this past year.  I have achieved them to some extent.  One of my primary goals was to become financially stable which I have achieved.  I also wanted to decrease my drinking, which I have achieved and I am very happy with the epiphanies that have accompanied that.  Another thing I sought to do was excel at my job, be timely and ensure my boss was happy with my work.  I have achieved that as well.  I have indeed improved.  I have "got my shit together" so to speak, I have become more organized and structured.  I have gotten my self confidence back.  The self confidence that the educational process, as well as the abuses of life and the wife, have taken from me.  I am indeed better than I was which is a relief.  During my educational career I had continued on an ever consistent downward spiral and I feared for my integrity.  I am glad that I am piecing my life back together.   The struggle for me is that in doing so I see more and more how my wife and I are at odds.  Furthermore, I am able to see her abuses more honestly and for what they are.  Previously I ignored them because I wasn't strong enough to fight them and carry on with my education.  Now that I have that strength again she is not happy nor am I.  Regardless, I carry on for the kids.