Sick and tired

I'm so sick and tired of it.  I am sick of the substance abuse.  I know it wasn't all that long ago that I was there, but it is so hard to tolerate, especially when there is no sign of an end.  I have fought and argued with my wife about it.  She constantly wants to be high.  She's abused alcohol and many other drugs but I don't' care what it is it gets old.  The interesting part is when I asked her once why she's trying to accomplish she told me she is escaping herself.  It's sad and sad.  It's sad because she recognizes she dislikes who she is enough she wants to get high constantly to avoid who she is.  It's secondly sad because I can't/won't escape who she is.  She's such a bitch to be with, she can't stand herself, how much more do you think I can stand her?  Especially without substance abuse.  I am sworn off the substance abuse though.  It mutes my reality and if my reality is a bitch wife- so be it.  At least I will know this is what my reality is.  If I don't like it and I don't change it there is no one to blame but myself.  That said, I take responsibility for my shitty future and shitty past. I have made bad decisions, many of which I intend to reform from in the next 9 years.