Reading shirts- a reply to the bitch

Tonight I was observing people at a mall and I made a comment to my wife that I didn't understand what some girls shirt said.  Instead of the normal reply of trying to help me figure it out, or saying she didn't know either, I got the lecture.  The one about how when I am reading shirts I am looking at boobs and how I need to not read shirts and I need to be more grown up than to read shirts and I should never read shirts.  She went on to tell me when she wears shirts with writing on them and men read them she thinks they are looking at her boobs.  So I simply told her it sounds like she's trying to get men to look at her boobs and I'll stop reading shirts when she stops wearing shirts with writing on them.  To which she replied she didn't wear shirts with writing on them often...and to which I replied, I don't read shirts often.  I mean seriously!  34 years old and we are still playing high school bullshit insecurity games.  Just have a conversation with me instead of criticizing my every move.  I just want to relate to a human and talk, not get lectured every time I open my mouth.  The irony is she tells me I am too guarded around her.   Really? Because apparently I'm not guarded enough if I'm getting these stupid ass lectures for trying to converse with you. Furthermore please grow up and not be mad and pissy with me the rest of the night because I read a shirt.  Get real.  You fucked my ex-best friend.  I read a t-shirt.  You're the asshole, not me.