A Love story: It is better to have loved...

Ya know what used to piss me off?! Love stories.  I didn't get it, I thought they were a crock of shit.  Period.  But in my life, I have tasted many things and love actually was one of them.  I am a very different person and so true love. true reciprocal love, is not something that is easy to come by.  Somehow by chance I did get to experience this for a very short time.  The intense connection with another human that thought like me and had the same interests as me and values.  It was an amazing experience.  The fact is, the time was wrong for me.  Very wrong and I fucked it up. The interesting thing is it has impacted me for years so far and I see no end to it.  I know I annoy the crap out of her now.  I try not to bother her but I am like an animal clawing at the door to get in.  I want to make her happy but it's impossible.  I know, without a doubt, not one single doubt in my mind that she still loves me too.  Why?  Because you can't experience the connection that we had and forget it.
So is it truly better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?  Well it's a double edged sword.  And I will say, once you have loved, you never lose.  I am not with my lover and soulmate, she won't even talk to me matter of fact.  But the joy she gave me for such a short time was beyond comprehension.  I can never explain what it's like, it's a deep feeling of connection that's just indescribable.  At the same time it has left me with the biggest, gaping wound in my life.  I know it was self inflicted but I feel an emptiness from the separation that I have from her. It goes to say though, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am blessed to have known the love I knew and I am blessed to this day.  It was the brutal honesty she had for me during a time when I made poor decisions that has brought me about and helped me to get my life together and succeed.  I am considered very successful and I credit 100% of my success to her for shooting it to me straight when no one else could.  And truthfully, she's the only person that it mattered to me what they thought.  What I am today inside and out is a product of her love. A love that we still share no matter how hard she tries to avoid it.  Was it worth it?  You bet.  I never understood the idiom "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" until I met her.
Seek the love of your life, and when/if you are lucky enough to find it, do not hurt it or crush it.  Treat it tenderly and I pray that you are able to hold onto true love when you find it.  Now, when I hear a love story my mind goes to one person and my heart aches but my spirit smiles because I know for a moment I shared something real and powerful that few ever experience.  I hope someday she will forgive me of my wrongs and someday I will know love again.