Head Full of Sorrows

Here is the email I typed today to the email address you used to communicate with me from.  Obviously it's been deactivated but I thought I'd post it here so I feel it's off my chest.  

JAM-

I know you darn well may have deactivated this email. I just was going thru some old emails.  Thinking about you and how you made me feel.  I am forever sorry for messing my life up during the time I knew you.  My life still isn't perfect but I have started to rebuild myself.  I just want you to know I was at one time the man you thought I was....it just wasn't when you knew me.  When you knew me was the absolute lowest part of my life.  Anyhow.  I just wanted to try to reach out to you again.  This is really close to the time we met and it breaks my heart every year.  I just want to talk to you again, I hate being shut out of your life.  Even if you don't love me, I want to be friends and talk to you.  I'm so lonely and I know that you really cared. I miss that.  I'm still with my wife, trying to hang in there for the kids sake.  I've gained a lot of mental clarity since getting done with school.  I've graduated and have my doctorate now.  I manage an independent store close to home. I have spent the last year trying to regain my sanity an I have done fairly well at that.  The saner I become though, the more clear it is to me that I am in a very abusive relationship.  Well, I guess I'll stop rambling.  I just want so bad to hear from you.   You know what I love the most about you?  The connection/chemistry we had, the love I felt and reciprocated even before I ever saw you.  It felt so awesome to truly love someone regardless of how they looked.  Anyhow, I really hope you read this.  Know that I love you, I always will.  Please, please if you can find it in your heart please reply.  It's been almost 4 years now since we met and not a day goes by I don't think of you.  I'm begging for your mercy and to just talk to me and be my friend.