Damaged Goods

I was thinking about how, as humans, we tend to become mentally and emotionally damaged.  Often times it's irreparable.  Sometimes we are salvage.   I was thinking about how over the last several years I have become really accustomed to the mental, emotional and verbal abuse I encounter frequently.  When I was first married it was very foreign to me and it upset me a lot. As I have grown older and been around it now for 12years it's really just annoying and that is all. But why?  I think primarily because I have adapted.  The abuse is just the same if not worse than it was but I respond differently.  This is both good and bad.  I have found that a way my mind has changed to cope with the abuse is I forget things.  Not just THINGS but things people do or say.  In an effort to maintain my relationship with my wife I have learned, subconsciously to forget the wrong she does.  I have friends that say "do you remember when she...(insert any of many unbelievable thing she's done)" And I don't.  I honestly don't.  This is frustrating because I used to have an amazingly good memory.  That has all long since past though.  The part that's most heart breaking is when I see pictures of me with my kids doing things and I can't remember it at all.  That is tough.  For this reason I have resolved to take alot more pictures of the good moments in life, but that is neither here nor there for this dialogue.
I am guessing that I am not alone in this suffering.  I have met many people over the years who have some form of relationship PTSD.  Most people have had it far worse than I have.  But what does all this mean for us that suffer?  Well, in a nut shell it means we are damaged goods.  Our stresses in life have caused us to cope with life in unhealthy ways and we have to either embrace it or reject it.  If we embrace it, carry on.  If we reject it we have to reject those that have caused us in the past to manage our stress in these ways.  Some people are easier to reject as are some situations but most are family and difficult scenarios.
For me, I have chosen to embrace it for now.  It's frustrating but it is by far the lesser of the two evils as far as my children are concerned.  But what happens when they are grown?  I have decided with certainty I will not live like I am right now with so much angst and abuse.
My fear is when I finally chose to leave the abuse I will have been so damaged I will never be able to function normally in a relationship again.  Conversely I fear that I will have a hard time finding someone I can reciprocate love with when I am nearly 40.  And if I do find someone, what abuses have they experienced and how has it scarred them?  In the end it seems that most people end up damaged by relationships.  Some of us start relationships damaged from familial relationships others of us come into relationships and are damaged by someone who has already suffered abuses in life.  So when I do end up leaving my abuse....will I be able to revert to being a functioning human or what will I carry with me? Will it be my choice what I bring?  I think, to some extent, we can control what we bring with us but we have to be very honest, objective and introspective.  I hope and pray I can be functional again and if I choose to be in a relationship ever again I hope it will be a functional one this time.