Wants and needs

I am having a very frustrating evening.  I am trying to focus on the family and do some stuff with the kids but Insanity keeps getting in the way.  I'm pretty done with her crap for the night.  I have been informed that because I have been trying to lose weight and exercise, now that I have grown my hair out to a reasonable length and purchased clothes that don't have holes in them, it is evident I must be having an affair.  I fucking give up.  Sure my heart isn't in the relationship, I don't deny that, but it's been that way for years.  The thing that breaks my mind is we are back at square one of my marriage 10 years later. Except at this point I know better how to handle myself and the crazy woman I married.  I have finally dug my way out of depression and found my zen despite her incessant nagging, fighting, arguing, partying and being dishonest and dishonorable.   She has cheated on me, lied to me, ruined me once financially but still can find the time to try to bring me down.  Now that I refuse to be "down" anymore she's reverting to her tactics that got me there in the first place.  The truth is she liked me depressed out of my mind.  She liked it when I didn't want to go on living, she liked it when I had a death wish of abnormal proportions.  Why did she like it you ask?  Glad you inquired, she liked it because I needed her.  She needs to feel needed and the fact is I don't  need her.  I never have, I never will.  I did not marry her because I needed her, I married her because I wanted her.  She doesn't want to be wanted, she wants to be needed.  What's the difference?  Need is not voluntary, need is mandatory.  There is security in being needed because the person that needs you cannot do without you.  Being wanted is much more of a testament of love because the other person doesn't need you, they can pull the pin any time and leave. They stay with you because they love you and they want you. The inherent problem comes when you don't have have the self worth to think that someone would want to stay with you.  Then you have to try to bring them to a level in which they need you.  This is, without a doubt, the biggest problem I face in my relationship.  It is compounded by the fact that I am very relentless and don't give up easily.  This means she has to go absolutely bonkers to bring me down a few notches.  Sometimes she lucks out and happens to find tragedy in my life and she tries to capitalize on that.  This is a fact that I am well aware of from my past with her.  So here we are, in a "argument" worth crying over because I am ironing my clothes for work.  Someone has clearly lost their shit and it's not me.  

So take a moment for introspection. Do you need to be needed or want to be wanted? If you need to feel needed what to you do to fulfill that feeling?  Do you bring down others or do you just find genuinely needy people?  I think everyone has someone in life. I think needy people need to find people that need to be needed.  But wanters need to have wanters who want them for who they are.