Why do I?

Why do I even hold you hand?  I know that's kinda cold to say or even consider.  I know it should be a nice happy gushing response of "I just love you that much baby". But it's not.  I hold your hand because I want to feel loved, I want to try to love, I want to be loved.  I hold your hand because I am still trying, I want to hold your hand because maybe if I do all I can you will change and be better.  I hold your hand because I don't want to let go (but for that, I do not know why).  I hold your hand because I some how love you still, despite the hurt and pain you constantly bring me. Why do you hold hands?